Words like “obsession” and “addiction” may be hot little pieces of hyperbole to throw around when we’re talking about D/s dynamics, but let’s be real: in a healthy Domme/sub relationship, the sub is able to feel intense devotion and excitement and still go about their daily life, have focus, be productive, and enjoy things besides serving the Domme.
I’ve seen what we call “sub frenzy” happen quite a few times in my years as a Domme. If you haven’t heard it before, that’s a term in the BDSM community for just what it sounds like: a sub going into a sort of frenzy where their normal boundaries, inhibitions, and responsibilities are all thrown away or blurred to some extent, in the interest of chasing the high of submission. In my experience, this usually happens to people who are new to submission, or perhaps have been playing for a while but have newly found a Dominant who they have intense chemistry with.
When a sub books multiple sessions with me per week, starts asking to do extreme forms of play without seeming to think them through first, or starts claiming that they love me and want me come to Christmas dinner and meet their parents, I see those as some of the hallmarks of sub frenzy. Their logical mind has taken a back seat. In theory you might think it’s flattering for me to see that I inspire such a state of abandon in a sub, but I can assure you, it is more off-putting than anything else.
Submission can be a truly euphoric and unparalleled natural high, but there’s a difference between enjoying that during a scene, and wanting to make your whole life revolve around it at the expense of your stability. If you find yourself consumed or constantly preoccupied with thoughts of your Domme, take a moment to step back, cool down, and ground yourself. It’s wonderful to feel such intense chemistry, but at the end of the day you will get more out of your experiences if you approach them with a calm, level head.